Friday 19 August 2016

Are you in love with a stranger?


When we enter into a relationship, whether it is romantic or platonic, we are essentially drawn to the person we perceive and experience. These are two very important principles because sometimes the person we ‘see’ is not the person we experience. However, when they both match, we generally feel comfortable to invest our time and energy into those relationships. Relationships require regular review because people change; we change mentally, emotionally and physically. Any change in these areas is going to change your relational experience. But have you lost sight of who the person you love has become?

 

Evolution
In a relationship, situations cause people to change but perhaps a better definition is adaptation. We adapt to becoming parents, getting older, changing careers etc. What is important is that you try to remain updated with the person you care. Evolution can be generally defined as a consistent process of change into something better. Remember, the core of who they are remains the same. These are what I call ‘core personal qualities’. These are qualities like being caring, sensitive, transparent and committed. But people change in how they demonstrate these core qualities and what they consider to be major or minor in their lives. It is possible that through evolution your relationship can become stronger rather than stranger!

Prejudgment
When the experience of a relationship begins to change, don’t automatically assume it is due to a lack of love. Often it is due to a lack of understanding. When we are evolving it can be difficult to articulate what we feel or to understand how best to rearrange our emotional diary. By way of example, when a woman becomes a mother, she will need to adapt and evolve. Her ‘emotional diary’ now needs to factor in her child, her husband, siblings and friends. Evolution doesn’t need to equal neglect or pride but it will require partnership and investigation.

Make a decision to grow together
Who is a stranger? Usually it is someone who you have not met before or are unfamiliar with. Are you in love with someone you don’t really know? Make a decision to be part of their life changes. Ask questions and perhaps even do your own research in order to demonstrate your willingness to be part of the process. By way of example, when a friend goes through menopause, they may need people around them who can support them in the transition. When a man loses his job, he may need someone to understand his new perspective on life. When a friend experiences success, they will need people to understand why their expectations have changed.

Caught in your tailwind?
Have you ever considered that your personal changes can trigger changes in those around you? A tailwind happens when an object moves in a particular direction and causes things around it to follow suit. The changes you see in the people you love may have started because of your changes. But it is possible that these changes can be positive and if patient, you will see your relationships develop into stronger ones. If the changes are negative, you will see a decline in core qualities.

Enjoy your relationships but don’t allow people you love to become strangers.


Till next time

Noel McLean

www.relationshipsmot.blogspot.com

www.destinyempowermentservices.com

 

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