Sunday 6 November 2016

Breaking Cycles


Cycles affect everyone! We have mental, physical and emotional cycles which help us to function as a person and engage with the world around us. Environmental cycles also help to bring balance to the earth. The word cycle comes from the Greek word, ‘cyclo’ that indicates rotation and suggests that which is circular. Cycles can be positive and negative in nature. One of the key features of a cycle is that it follows a pattern and then returns to its original position. For some relationships, returning to an original position can be demoralising and it may indicate a lack of progression. So how do cycles work in relationships?

Relationships & bicycles!  
A bicycle is a two wheel mode of transport where the wheels are held by a frame. Relationships involve at least two people who are connected by an emotional framework. This framework can be created by promises, feelings, convictions and ideologies. Cycles are what ‘drives’ a relationship positively or negatively. There are some emotional cycles that are created as a result of major change. By way of example, when a man or woman becomes a parent, on the same date each year, they will display emotion on the birthday of their child. Conversely, the anniversary of the death of a loved-one can cause a cycle of sadness. However, I would like to focus on the cycles we create. Unfortunately, it is easier to create negative cycles because negative cycles do not require you to change anything!  All healthy relationships develop patterns, habits and activities. Establishing regular times for social activity, quality communication and displays of affection are good cycles to have. Cycles generally impact everything within a relationship; it can set the mood and tone in a home or establish a foundation for growth.

What cycles need
Every cycle needs at least three things; effort, a cause and a mindset. Cycles require effort and energy; personal input. Cycles require a cause; why you do what you do. Mindsets form the basis for our actions; what you believe and are passionate about. By way of example; friends who make a decision to socialise every Friday are making a personal input. The friends have to agree what they want to do when they meet (cause). Then the friends have to maintain what they believe about their friendship by having a similar mindset. When you identify a negative cycle ask yourself, “what are you putting your energy into?”, “are you aware of the outcomes of your actions?” and “what do you actually believe?” If you find yourself in constant conflict perhaps you are putting your effort into the wrong cause as a result of wrong thinking.


What kind of storm am I in?
Having travelled to India and the Caribbean for many years, I have become familiar with tropical storms and cyclones. The early stages of a tropical storm are usually manageable; however as the winds increase and reach 74 mph, it becomes classified as a hurricane. The effects are devastating; destroying homes that have taken years to build or uprooting trees that have stood for a generation. When you discover a negative cycle; please don’t ignore it It may destroy what has taken you years to build!

Am I in a negative cycle?
Do you find yourself returning to the same negative place you hoped you had moved away from? Do you find yourself arguing about the same issue on a consistent basis? Do you find yourself emotionally drained as a result of a recurring situation? Every cycle needs fuel (effort), input from someone! Ask yourself, what may be fuelling the cycle. When a car runs out of petrol, it doesn’t matter how much you try and start the engine, it will not start! Many times we do not see that we are powering the cycle through what we give our time and energy to. An argument or conflict normally requires at least one person to respond or retaliate. Cycles often die when a person makes a decision not to ‘respond’ in the same way. When you become aware of a negative cycle you can also diffuse its power by being proactive. Every cycle has an ‘introduction’. When you are attending a wedding and you hear a certain song, you know the bride is on her way! Have you ever said to yourself, “I know where this conversation is going.” Try to avoid the same outcome by refusing to do the same thing!

Introspection
The following are some questions to ask yourself regarding negative cycles?

“Is the way I think, contributing to the negative cycle?”

“Is my lack of effort preventing me from forming positive cycles?”

“Is the cause I am pursuing only about my needs?”

“Am I willing to forgive for the sake of breaking the cycle?”

“Do I want to be the author or the finisher of the cycle?”

Change in strategy
Each time you find yourself back at the same position, remember the things that you have learnt. I remember seeing a mouse running in a wheel. I realised that it didn’t matter how hard it ran, it was still in the wheel and in the same place. The word strategy can be defined as the skill of making and carrying out a plan that will achieve the desired goal. Cycles change not just because you want them to but because you have employed a new plan. Be willing to change the way you do things; a new strategy may be the strategy you need to change your cycle!
 
Till next time

Noel McLean

www.relationshipsmot.blogspot.com

www.destinyempowermentservices.com

 

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